by Chris Doyle | Nov 16, 2018
Greetings,
It’s a special time for me. On Monday, Nov. 19 I will turn 50. In honor of this occasion, this week’s Doyle’s Half Dozen will be six memorable birthdays.
- OU/Texas Tech football controversy and Indiana-Detroit “Malice in the Palace”
When I was putting this DHD list together, I thought both of these incidents happened the same year. However, I was a year off.
Being the sports nut that I am, I constantly recall historical athletic events. Both of these debacles happened on my birthday. In 2005, OU was playing at Texas Tech, and I remember being so bummed when the game ended that I did not want to do anything for my birthday. The OU Daily featured an article that listed this game among the “three worst calls” in OU football history.
In 2004, I remember watching highlights of what has been considered “the worst night in NBA history.” What resulted from the Indiana Pacers-Detroit Pistons game on Nov. 19 is now known as the “Malice in the Palace.”
Both of these disappointing and disastrous events happened on my birthday.
- Going to see ‘Sound of Music’ at the Continental Theater
I don’t exactly remember what age I was, but sometime in the late ‘70s, my mom let me have a sleepover birthday party with some friends. She was great about it, but one thing she planned for us boys to do that night was go to the Continental Theater to see a showing of The Sound of Music.
I remember not being all that thrilled about it beforehand. However, if you ever went to the historical Continental Theater, which used to be located near the Founders Tower near May and Northwest Expressway, it was of the old design of having one screen in an enormous setting with the formal curtains that rolled back to show a huge screen.
That was my first time to see The Sound of Music. It’s shown almost twice a year now on primetime TV, so it doesn’t seem like a major deal now. At the time, having a bunch of friends over to spend the night was the prioritized interest in my young mind. But watching one of the greatest movies of all time in a historic theater has become a fond memory.
- My 19th birthday at college
In 1987, I spent my first birthday away from family. It was the middle of my first semester attending Liberty University. Though I missed being with family, I had a close-knit group of friends who made that night significant.
It was a Thursday night, and my friends Brian Sharp and Jimmy Jackson asked me to go to the Deli on campus with them. It was a surprise party. I don’t remember how many were there, but it was a decent-sized group. Most of them I knew well, but some were not in my circle of acquaintances. The reason why is Brian and Jimmy were a part of throwing a combo-party for me and Scott Crosby.
At first I thought it was odd that I shared a party with someone else. However, as time went on, Scott and I became close friends, and we still keep in touch. He was a groomsman at my wedding, and I went to visit him a few years ago, as he currently lives in Roanoke, Va.
- My 49th birthday at work
Last year’s birthday was memorable because of the cake I got at work.
As you can see in the photo, I was asked to pose with my cake, but the humorous part happened just before. I picked up the cake and almost lost it to the floor. I thought it was more stable on that black platter, but it started to slip when I raised it. Though you can’t see, on the other side of the cake near my left hand is a large thumb print in the base of the icing.
My co-workers still laugh about what almost could have been a disaster.
- My 40th birthday
My awesome wife goes all out when it comes to parties and celebrations. Karen did a lot of work planning a surprise party for me when I turned 40. I knew I was meeting my family at Johnnies on Britton near May, but what I didn’t know is much more than my family were crammed in to the back dining area. Management was getting nervous.
It seemed like Karen invited the whole universe. I could not believe how many people showed up. And I don’t think Karen expected all that many either. Another significant element to that party was about eight pregnant women were there in that uncomfortable setting of a packed room. I think one left soon after I arrived.
No doubt, that night was quite memorable, and I appreciate Karen going to all that hard work to make it happen.
- My 50th birthday
I don’t know if this is arrogant of me, but I’m already expecting my 50th birthday to be memorable. Karen is already working on setting up for a party for me (I’m not expecting any surprises).
The reason why I believe it will be memorable is by reflecting of how I got to my 50th year of life. God has blessed me in abundance.
I was trying to find a Bible verse significant for the moment. Since my birthday is 11/19, and I’m turning 50, I looked up Psalm 119:50:
“This is my comfort in my affliction: Your promise has given me life.”
In my affliction or failures or weaknesses that I have experienced through my years, it is true that God is the reason for my life. He is the blessed Controller of all things, including all that I have experienced. And that gives me great comfort.
by Amy Spear | Nov 14, 2018
Growing up, my dad would often fill my car up with gas. It was his way of saying he loved me and thinking of me. On those cold winter days, I would hop in the car, dreading the necessary stop at the gas pump, just to find out I had a full tank of gas! Thanks Dad, you’re the best!
When I first married, I thought my husband should do the same thing, after all that’s what my daddy did! It wasn’t until I almost ran out of gas several times that I realized I needed to fill up my own gas tank.
We bring our own expectations into our marriages in a million different ways.
Who should take out the trash? Who does the laundry? Who pays the bills? Who does the dishes? Who gives the kids a bath? Who fills up the car and so forth.
We think how our family operated was the “norm,” and every family should operate the same way.
Looking for a church family is similar. We bring our own expectations and way of doing things along with us. My old church did things this way; we had this program; we sat in these chairs; we took the Lord’s Supper this way and on this day; my bible teacher taught out of this book; the pastor spoke with gusto and conviction with this kind of tone, and on and on it goes.
Having the honor of traveling and speaking at different churches, I get to see the heartbeat of each church – how they interact, how they include outsiders, what they value, how they organize events, what their needs are at the moment, how history has shaped who they are, how their “family” operates. Each church is unique and beautiful, having their own strengths and weaknesses.
God reminds me how much He loves His Church and how we can learn from each other and love each other despite our differences. Being willing to listen, learn and grow from each other is such a valuable thing – God loves the humble (Psalms 49:4).
It has been a privilege to see the Bride of Christ with a new perspective – not just see things done the way my family does them but how Christ is honored in new and unique ways. It is a beautiful reminder that Christ uses each one of us right where we are at, with the gifts and talents we each possess.
Maybe you find yourself looking for a new church home like me and my family (as we have recently moved). It can be a daunting task no doubt! But take courage my friend! God has a place for you in His family. It may look different than your old church; there will be new relationships formed, new expectations and new ways of doing things, but one thing is for certain: He has a place for each one of us!
Being a part of a church family is invaluable! Therefore, do not grow weary in looking for a church that loves His word, gives to the poor, follows hard after Christ and His example on the cross and preaches the Truth. All other things are secondary.
My husband may not fill up my car with gasoline but he does a million things every day to show me how much he loves me. Thanks baby, you’re the best!
by Andy Peck | Nov 7, 2018
“Only you can waste your time” my pastor Mike Burt said as he mentored me during my college years. Pastor Burt said that he never left home without his Bible and a good book. He would read while getting his oil changed, study Scripture while waiting for food at a restaurant and finish off his favorite novel while in the waiting room at the doctor’s office.
As a person from the newly designated “Xennial” Generation, I came from the time of typewriters and being in awe at my stepmom’s “car phone” that was literally bolted into her car. I listened to the sound of my stepdad’s 28.8 modem and was impressed when AOL loaded that much faster when we upgraded to the 56k.
But regarding handheld devices, I was an early adopter. I used a version of the Palm Pilot, starting early in my college career, and upgrading to a smart phone upon the encouragement of my buddy who was always on the cusp of new technology.
I was blessed with a generous church just after seminary, and they provided iPhones for all of us pastors, I’ve never gone back.
I’m writing today about a time-saving, knowledge-increasing, life and ministry blessing feature that is available at our finger tips in this era of smart phones. I’m talking about audio books, and because my mom taught me to be a thrift-aholic, specifically FREE audio books, I’m referring to Hoopla and OverDrive.
I discovered Audible (a pay service) in March 2017 when I completed a 2,400 mile round trip drive to Alabama for some Air Force training. Every few states I’d complete another book, and I found myself shelling out $15 each time zone I hit.
Audible is a well-developed service, and you can get the audio version of books almost as soon as they hit the shelves. But for most books, especially Christian classics, novels that are a few years old, and other great titles, they are available for FREE on Hoopla and OverDrive.
For simplicity, I will focus the rest of the article on Hoopla since that is what I have the most experience with, but both are great. Head to the app store on your Apple or Android device, and download the app for free. Then, if you don’t have one already, go get a free membership at your local/county library. The app will ask you for your library membership number and PIN code.
Once you input that info and establish a username/password, you are good to go! Hoopla allows you to “borrow” five e-books, audio books, audio CDs, and more digital content each month. For audio books, it gives you access to them for three weeks and then auto-returns them.
If you weren’t done listening to a title, simply click “borrow” again, and it immediately restores your access and puts you right back where you were. I recently splurged for some AirPods and have thankfully found myself using them multiple times each day.
I listen to audiobooks during my ride to work each day, the entire time at the gym three times week (that’s the goal), and even while on my lunch break. I only have to use one AirPod to listen, and most people probably have no clue that I’m learning about theology, studying a new subject or taking an adventure in a classic novel.
Even when limited to paper books, my pastor’s goal in college was to read one book for pleasure and one book for knowledge/ministry per week – a goal I’ve never come close to achieving. But now with services like Hoopla and others, I’m able to finish about a book every week or two, much more than when I was limited to paper books (I’ve never been able to get into e-books).
Here’s a quick tip: listen to books on 1.25x, 1.5x, or faster to make it through them that much faster. It’s okay to slow down sometimes and just ENJOY a good novel at regular speed as well.
Consider adding Hoopla or another free audio book service to your toolkit today.
by Angela Sanders | Oct 23, 2018
There are many ways to make Mr. Minister feel appreciated during this Minister Appreciation Month, but if you really want to touch his heart, befriend his missus.
“I’d love to,” you say, “but I don’t know how! She’s just so…” Fill in the blank.
Whatever word you chose, I assure you there are ways to get around that barrier.
My husband Todd and I have been in ministry together for over twenty-five years. We served in three local churches before he began denominational work ten years ago, and as much as I’d like to say I was the same person in all of those settings, that would probably be a lie.
Of course, I knew all along I was called by God to impact the Kingdom as helpmate to my husband. However, I wasn’t always sure what that was supposed to look like, and the capacity and manner in which I was able to serve varied according to age, life stage, and church dynamic.
Sometimes I felt confident and empowered. Other times, I felt insecure and helpless.
Sometimes I felt strong and productive. Other times, I felt fragile and stymied.
Sometimes I had lots of leftover love to lavish, and other times I was too busy licking my own wounds to notice anyone else’s.
In short, I was just like everyone else.
God was always strong, of course, and I trust that He was able to work through my obedience and in spite of my weaknesses at every age and stage. However, I know all too well what some people expect from the families of those in vocational ministry and how unrealistic those expectations can be sometimes, so I cringe to think how folks may have finished the sentence above in reference to me.
This being true, I am extra thankful for those who took on the challenge of befriending the minister’s wife.
Want to do the same? Here’s how:
Examine your motives
Why do you want to be her friend? What are you hoping to get out of the relationship? Odds are, she’ll be wondering these same things, as most minister’s wives have been burned at some point, so if your answers are self-serving, you’d probably better wait until they aren’t.
Set aside preconceived ideas
There are as many opinions of what makes a great minister’s wife as there are people in local church. If you go in expecting your friend to live up to your expectations, you’ll set yourself up for disappointment and both of you for hurt. However, if you make a point of destroying your mental checklist, you will leave room to be pleasantly surprised and for a healthy friendship to grow.
Get to know her
This could be a challenge. Years of living in a fish bowl may have left your friend feeling exposed. If so, it might take a while to break through the wall she’s built to protect herself from those who forget she has feelings. Don’t give up! Ask her questions. Listen to her answers. Spend time with her outside of church. Watch what she does and how she reacts in different situations, and you’ll catch a glimpse of her heart.
Be real
Be yourself. All the time. Don’t act one way around your friend and another around everyone else. She doesn’t expect—or want—you to put on a show for her. Doing so will only breed distrust. No, let your friend see you at your best and your worst, and she’ll eventually trust you with hers. When she finally does, don’t spook. This peek at her personal journey toward Christ-likeness is a privilege, as she probably doesn’t let many people in this far. Be sure to steward it well.
Love her family
This should go without saying, but you’d be surprised how often minister’s wives are expected to listen to criticism about their families—their husbands, in particular—without losing their cool, overlook mistreatment of their loved ones, and play go-between for the discontents in the congregation. Show your friend’s husband and children the same patience, mercy, and forgiveness you want others to show your family, and you’ll have set yourself apart in a big way. Heap grace on them, and you’ll have your friend’s full attention and gratitude.
Protect, include, and support her
Most minister’s wives have thick skin, but it’s often made of scar tissue. One word or action leveled with strength in just the right—or wrong—spot could open them wide and do serious damage. Stand up for your friend. Don’t allow others to gossip about her and/or her family. Keep her confidences to yourself.
When groups get together, remind them to include your friend in the guest list. Most don’t because they assume the minister’s wife is busy elsewhere. This may be true, but that busyness probably has very little to do with self-care and/or building the relationships she wants and desperately needs. She may turn your invitation down, but that doesn’t mean she prefers the things that are monopolizing her time. Keep asking! Sooner or later, schedules will align, and she’ll be able to join you. Until then, just being invited will make her feel loved.
Minister’s wives, perhaps more than anyone else in the church, are expected to be all things to all people. Sometimes, the best gift you can give your friend is to need her a little less than other people do. Yes, it might feel at times like you’re giving more to the friendship, but that’s just because your friend’s stick of butter has to cover more bread. Don’t get jealous or angry. Encourage her. Share her. Help her, and maybe she’ll have more time for you.
Respect her boundaries
Minister’s wives are privy to information other people aren’t. Sadly, many people befriend them because they want the power, real or imagined, that comes from being “in the know.” Don’t be one of those people. If there’s information to be gleaned, get it somewhere else. Don’t compromise your friendship by pumping your friend for information that’s not hers to give. Furthermore, if you sense she’s telling you more than she ought, stop her. Protect her from herself. She’ll thank you later, and you will have proven yourself a genuine friend that loves her for her.
Give and take
As circumstances call for it, do what you can for your friend and let her do what she can for you. Yes, there’s something to be said for needing her a little less than other people do, but if you keep her at arm’s length when she has the desire and means to meet a need in your life, she’ll feel like your project instead of your friend. If you want her to share her mess with you, share your mess with her.
Stick it out
From a distance, the life of a minister’s wife looks like a lot of fun. Sure, people know who she is, give her attention, and want hers in return, but it’s mostly hard work and folks are fickle. They won’t always like your friend. What will you do then? If you are a real friend, you won’t abandon her just because her approval rating goes down, even if she has truly messed up. You’ll stick it out. Sure, you may have to correct, forgive, and/or restore her, but you’ll stay because, in Christ, she’s more than a friend: she’s your sister.
Want to be a blessing? See and value your minister’s wife for the uniquely designed individual she is, complete with her own quirks and needs, then love her like you would any other friend. It may take a little work, but she’ll be yours for life!
by Amy Spear | Sep 19, 2018
The minute I walk into my mom’s house the cutest little critter greets me. Her little tail wags so fast her whole body moves side to side, she jumps up and down, and runs around in circles with so much excitement I can barely pick her up. As I cuddle her in my arms, she lavishes me with affection and love.
However, if I walk in without showing her attention and prolong our warm greeting, she follows me around the house, nipping at my heels and begins to bark, as if to remind me that she needs some attention! I scoop her into my arms and say, “I love on my kids all day and now I have to love on you! Everyone seems to need attention today!” In reply, she licks me all the more to say “Thank you”.
Loving on people and fulfilling the needs of others, even the family dog, can get exhausting! But God’s word reminds us, the call to love is highest.
Prov. 17:17 – “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.”
1 John 4:7 – “Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.”
1 Peter 4:8 – “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.”
Matthew 22: 37-40 – “Jesus replied: ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”
The times I don’t “feel” like showing love is when I’m tired, cranky, in a hurry or on a mission to complete my own agenda. All of these things are rooted in selfishness. Life in those moments is all about me, and I flat out forget to think of others. If I could just stop and look at those around me (even the dog!) through God’s eyes, then I would realize God has invited me to be a part of something bigger then my agenda or cranky attitude and show love to the people He died for!
When loves feels hard and honestly, it’s the last thing you want to do, remember that love is what sent Jesus to die on a cross for each of us. He loved us so much that He sent His one and only Son, that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life! (John 3:16)
Jesus never grows tired of showing us love and his cup never runs dry. Out of gratitude for the love He shows us, may we continue to show love to all those around us!
by Ryan Smith | Sep 6, 2018
Somewhere deep in the recesses of the Smith family picture albums is a photograph of a young boy in an oversized Michael Jordan t-shirt standing next to a small Zenith television set. The boy has a broad smile and an air of accomplishment beaming from his round face.
The boy was me and on the TV screen, partially hidden by glare from the camera flash, is the pixelated final screen of Super Mario Brothers 2 declaring triumphantly, “The End.”
I grew up as part of the Nintendo generation. Tecmo Bowl, Contra, Excitebike, all of these provided countless hours of entertainment, camaraderie with friends, and a way to keep me from joining roving street gangs.
I also knew how and when to turn the game system off (although my mother might argue against this point). There was a world, and video games were a part of it, but video games were not my world. They were not meant to be, nor did they try to be.
Today’s game systems offer a much more immersive experience. One can spend hours playing a game alongside others from across the world. This is a monumental technological achievement. Virtual reality, advanced graphics, and much more layered gameplay offer an experience the chubby little boy beside the old Zenith could only dream of.
Many of today’s video games are designed to be a part of a lifestyle or even identity for the player. One’s accomplishments in the virtual world often garner more excitement or self-congratulations than achievements in the real world.
Therein lies much of the issue for friends, parents and others who see the rising importance of video games in the lives of their loved ones. I have personally seen people become so immersed in a video game or online experience that they began to damage themselves and others physically, emotionally and relationally.
I have also seen many people who enjoy playing video games like others enjoy watching sports. They invest a few hours a week, learn about the games and strategies, and generally enjoy the games as a healthy outlet.
Like anything, video games can foster addictive behavior, and the results can be disorienting. Like Gollum hovering over the ring, these individuals grasp their controllers and sleek off into a darkened corner of their physical and relational worlds. But just because someone plays video games does not mean they are destined for this fate.
If you are concerned about a loved one’s approach to video games or are wanting to navigate this digital world well as a parent, I offer three warning indicators that a person’s video game involvement has gone too far.
1. COMPROMISING PHYSICAL HEALTH
I am not a doctor (nor do I play one on TV), but I don’t have to be a doctor to tell you about basic necessities for healthy living. People need sleep. They need to eat well. They need to exercise and live in a healthy environment.
While getting immersed in a video game, it is easy to let the clock drift, settle for pizza and Pepsi every night, let the dishes pile up, and waste daylight hours that could be used for helpful outside activity.
An occasional video game binge isn’t the end of the world, but if your loved one shows a consistent lack of sleep, begins to have physical irregularities, or only has muscles in their thumbs, it may be time to pull the plug. If their environment is marked by neglected responsibilities and misplaced priorities, they have likely gone too far. No virtual game is worth damaging one’s physical health.
2. COMPROMISING RELATIONAL HEALTH
For some people, the relational aspects of video games are a draw. Team conquest and mutual dependence can be good side-effects of multi-player gaming. But the majority of online friendships are superficial. A person needs to know how to look others in the eye, engage in proactive listening and spend time with real people in a real world.
The line between the online world and the real world can easily be blurred for gamers, and at times, they need a helpful nudge back into reality. If your loved one begins to sever or damage relationships for the sake of time with a video game, this is a bad sign. If your loved one shows underdeveloped relational or interpersonal skills, this can cause grave issues down the line. If someone’s online friendships begin to become their primary relationships, it is better to intervene sooner rather than later.
3. SINFUL ATTITUDE SHIFTS
Protecting our time is a valuable skill. However, when our protection turns into aggression or disrespect, we have crossed a line. This idea is true in all walks of life. If your loved one begins to protect their game time with aggressive or volatile attitudes, they have gone too far. If shifts in attitude become apparent that are mirrored from a specific game, that game should be dismissed. If Jesus said we should cut out our eye or sever our hand if it causes us to sin, how much more should we be willing to unplug our (or a loved one’s) game system?
Ultimately, you as a parent, spouse or loved one have the right to monitor and communicate about video game habits. If you see a pattern or instance of concern, express it. If your loved one won’t let you see or hear what they are doing online, intervene. That is true across the board.
Video games can be a fun way to interact and spend time. They can also become an idol. Having strong accountability and being willing to listen to others is vital for any person actively involved in gaming. Be prepared to discuss how much is too much with your loved one, set parameters and stick to them.
Remember, whether we eat or drink (or play video games) let us do all for the glory of God (1 Cor. 10:31).
