by Tiffany Zylstra | Apr 30, 2015
Being single isn’t easy. It’s really difficult when you get wedding invitations galore, and then a few years later, baby shower invites. Plus, while attending the weddings and showers you get the question of “Are you dating anyone these days?” Followed quickly by “Oh there’s someone out there for you” after shaking your head “No.”
Here are, in my humble opinion, five ways to connect with single people.
1. Please, please do not make them feel guilty for not having “the 2.5 kids, white picket fence dream.” Dating is hard work. Not that marriage isn’t also, but finding someone who is really wonderful takes a lot of time and effort. Please do not make your single friends feel as though they have failed by not attaining the same place in life you are. Be excited for them, regardless of the stage.
2. Ask what new skill they are learning. One of the perks of being single is getting to try a variety of new things. Libraries offer free classes; singles can travel anywhere they’d like on a whim; any skill they are interested in can be learned. People are excited to share what is new. Be supportive. Acknowledge what a huge accomplishment learning a new talent is. They have spent considerable time trying something new. Be happy for them.
3. Invite your single friend over for a meal. It isn’t very fun cooking for one. Invite single friends into your home and share your life through a meal. It’s a joy getting to live life together, messes and all.
4. Remember them during celebrations. Valentine’s Day, birthdays, 4th of July picnics and any others you can think of; this especially applies to some of the older single friends you have around you. We all get really wrapped up in day-to-day living, but on the special days, remember your single friends who might not be reminded that someone cares about them.
5. Be invested. When you’re meeting up for a walk through the neighborhood or see your friend at the grocery store, ask them how they’re doing. Listen and ask questions. Singles don’t always have people to talk with when they get home at night. Sometimes we just need a listening ear of someone who is genuinely interested in how life is going.
What ways do you connect with single friends? How can you support them?
by Tiffany Zylstra | Apr 21, 2015
My church has been discussing for the past weeks what it means to be stronger. Stronger parent, spouse, church, etc. Recently, a point in a sermon resonated with me. “Your part should serve the bigger purpose.”
This simple statement really stuck with me for some reason. Each person has a gift that they can bring to the table. Each person in the church has a role to play. You may not like the role, but for a season would you be willing to use your gift to fill that role?
I’m not really a kid person. I fully understand that I was one at some point, but I just don’t get the tiny people not speaking in full sentences. Our children’s church is exploding with needs. My pastor pulled me aside and asked if I’d be willing to work in the children’s area. I’m guessing from the look of horror that crossed my face he understood that wouldn’t be my preference.
He gave me a hug and said what about instead of interacting with them in the rooms you checked on the kids? “Tiff you just have a gift for details, and you’d be great at this.” I told him I’d think about it. Thirty minutes later the sermon is all about creating the strongest church possible through using the strengths and gifts of its people.
My skill of being detail oriented suddenly becomes incredibly valuable to greet the parents and get all the correct details needed without actually having to change a diaper or chase tiny non-speaking toddlers around. Throughout this experience, God kept prompting me to use the gifts of which He has blessed me.
More than 50 times in the New Testament we are told to love, grieve with, serve, pray for, and care for one another. Because I can use my talents, a mom or dad has the opportunity to sink into the Word and worship during the service. They don’t have to be worried about their children because I used my talents to get all the needed info to contact them.
Each person has gifts. Each person has a role to fill. Sometimes we don’t even have to like the role that we’re being asked to fill, but it’s really hard to argue with God. In the end He always knows best!
2 Tim. 1:6-7 “For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands, for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.”
What gift should you be using? What role should you be open to filling?
by Tiffany Zylstra | Mar 25, 2015
I’ve been reading through Nehemiah. While the book is one of my favorites, what really struck me this time was all of the people coming together for a cause.
“Eliashib the high priest and his fellow priests went to work and rebuilt the Sheep Gate… The men of Jericho built the adjoining section, and Zakkur son of Imri built next to them. The Fish Gate was rebuilt by the sons of Hassenaah…repairs were made by men from Gibeon and Mizpah—Melatiah of Gibeon and Jadon of Meronoth… Uzziel son of Harhaiah, one of the goldsmiths, repaired the next section; and Hananiah, one of the perfume-makers, made repairs next to that…”
Chapter 3 is filled with one person after another from a variety of backgrounds who would not be traditionally working together. Rulers, goldsmiths, perfume-makers, sons, daughters, laborers, merchants, temple servants all worked together. The list goes on and on.
Regardless of if families had fought against each other, at this point in history they were working together, side by side. Each took pride in their section of the wall and without arguing or disputes. Together they built the wall.
This thought of “together” can apply to current life. It is so easy to get caught up in laser beam focus. Neglecting to help that lady struggling to put her groceries in her car. Or volunteering time to help pack backpacks for hungry kids at the local food bank. Soccer games have to be watched. The can’t-miss tv show is on tonight, no time to help the neighbor pull weeds.
This year, due to reading through Nehemiah, I’ve challenged myself to be more open to helping or working next to people I haven’t interacted with in the past. Stopping to ask people if I can help shovel or load groceries or when I find out a need being open to give what I have.
Small groups are great for so many reasons, but one of the best is being able to help in mass. A task that seems daunting for one person becomes attainable for a group of people. Nehemiah 6:15 says “(together) the wall was completed on the twenty-fifth of Elul, in fifty-two days.” Together we can change our community.
by Tiffany Zylstra | Mar 5, 2015
Sometimes grumpy moods happen. It’s not like something happened, or didn’t happen. You’re just grumpy and cranky and kind of mad at everything. My mom calls these moods “time for an attitude adjustment,” but most of the time I call these “Mondays.”
But them I’m reminded, usually on a weekly basis, that I should be the most joyful person ever.
- I’m a CHRIST follower. I am not going to hell. When I die I get to sit at the feet of Jesus and rejoice with the angels!
- I woke up this morning with heat, a roof over my head, food in my fridge and running water for a shower. Per the World Health Organization globally, 1.8 billion people have to use a drinking water source that is contaminated. I had to run my kitchen faucet to get water for my tea. I didn’t have a concern that it might not be safe.
- Today I got to get in my (mostly) working car and drive to a job. Thankfully, the unemployment rate continues to decline but there’s still 5.7% of the US population that are unemployed.
- I have some pretty incredible friends and family. I have the opportunity to be with them on a regular basis.
- My good health allows me to be capable of volunteering. Some of my favorite people are the Oklahoma Disaster Relief crew. When something horrible happens they go into high gear. They have lots of volunteer trainings throughout the year. There are many other incredible worthy causes but DR is one of my favorites.
- Oklahoma sunsets are beautiful! Glorious colors to remind me how God created all of the spectrum. Proverbs 20:12 “ears that hear and eyes that see – the Lord has made them both.”
- We have incredible freedoms. I can say whatever I want, gather with the people I whose fellowship I cherish, celebrate the name of Jesus boldly in public, and a host of other freedoms allowed by the Bill of Rights.
It’s all too easy to get caught up in the grumpiness of repetitive daily life, but there is oh so much more to be thankful for! Romans 15:13 “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.”
by Tiffany Zylstra | Feb 20, 2015
I recently had the opportunity to go through a couple of major surgeries. One of them was supposed to be out-patient. When I woke up they told me there were “complications,” and I would get to hang out in the hospital for several days. Thankfully I’m all fixed now, but hearing about a major complication threw me for a loop.
I like things to be orderly and planned out. I was fully prepared for an out-patient 45 minute surgery. A friend took me to the hospital and was going to take me home. Then my sister was going to come take over caring for me.
As the doctors would come in my hospital room to check on me, I kept hearing “We shouldn’t have found this” and “It was a miracle we were able to do this without cutting you open.” I came to quickly realize that it wasn’t their 20-plus years of surgeon skills; it was God putting His hand of protection on me.
No one wants to hear, “Oh by the way, we found a tumor in your small intestine.” However because God protected me now, albeit in a painful way, a much more severe pain was prevented. Because the doctors were able to use small incisions I was able to have my already-scheduled additional surgery 10 days later.
So many times, I’ll pray for something, usually a temporary desire, and God won’t answer in the way I think is ideal. However, in the days, months and years following, I look back and say “Thank you!” because God protected me from a toxic friendship, the terrible ‘dream’ job, or in my case, a severe prolonged pain.
My favorite recovery verses were Exodus 23:25 “Worship the Lord your God, and His blessing will be on your food and water. I will take away sickness from among you.” And Psalm 103:2-4 “Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits — who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion.”
Be encouraged! God chooses to save us so frequently from horrible earthly things because of His abiding love.