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I Prayed for a Sister: An Open-Letter to My Little Brother

I Prayed for a Sister: An Open-Letter to My Little Brother

Dear Jonathan,

It took me a while, as a five-year-old, to wrap my head around not being the baby of the family once mom’s pregnancy with you was announced. I didn’t know what to expect, except that I would have to share the family’s attention with you. I thought to myself, Well, if we’re going to have another sibling, it better be a girl. Mom said your name would be Esther. So, I thought about Esther.

I thought about her and me, along with our older sister, playing Barbies, sharing clothes, and overpowering our big brothers in arguments. I laughed at the idea of the girls outnumbering the boys in the family. I smiled at the notion of getting to show my little sister the ropes, as my big sister did before me. I prayed for a sister.

But as our patience stretched, not unlike mama’s pregnant tummy, we learned you would be a baby boy. Mom said your name would be Jonathan. So, I thought about Jonathan. I pouted as I thought about the memories we could’ve made as the Three Hanzel Sister Amigas. I thought about the way I could’ve taught you to braid your Barbies’ hair or how to get you to ask dad for things in an irresistible manner… as is the baby girl’s duty.

How could I, at just five years old, have known the memories we would make? How could I have known about the precious hand-holding as you toddled? How could I have known about the stories we would create between your Star Wars action figures and my Polly Pockets? I didn’t even have a clue that you would have my dimples and we would laugh incessantly together. I didn’t foresee you becoming one of my best friends… but you have. I’m grateful the Lord didn’t give me that for which I prayed.

Little brother, as you graduate high school this month, I want you to know a few things:

You are weak. Not what you were expecting to hear? Hang in there. You have weaknesses, fewer than I, but nevertheless, you have weaknesses. Press into those weaknesses, because it is there that you discover God’s strength. J.D. Greear once said, “If dependence is the goal, then weakness is the advantage.” Don’t grow weary from roadblocks or difficulties, because they are all opportunities for you to reflect God’s goodness and strength to others. Depend on Him, little brother, and you will be the strongest man on earth.

You are valuable. When you go to college, people will try to project truths and personas onto you. They’ll tell you that you’re the guy who illustrates exceedingly well, or you’re the guy who has a lot of YouTube followers. They’ll make your interests into your value, and that is simply untrue. Your value is in Christ alone. This is an important truth because your interests will change, but Christ will not. Place your value in that which is unmovable.

You are a gentleman. There are a lot of girls out there, bub (except at the college you picked…). You are not responsible for how they treat people or how they pursue relationships. You are only capable of controlling your own desires and actions. Gentlemen open doors for ladies. Gentlemen treat ladies like ladies… even when they don’t act like ladies. Gentlemen don’t get swept away in inappropriate behavior or speech, but are sensitive to the conviction of the Holy Spirit. Gentlemen uphold chivalry as a sign of value equality and mutual respect. Gentlemen do not get consumed with pornography, but seek the good of all and the glory of God. Gentlemen accept the forgiveness of God and, in response, don the full armor of God. You are a gentleman, my baby brother.

You go with God and you go with the Hanzel Tribe name as you enter college and this new season of life. Remember who you are, and remember Whose you are.

P.S. I’m glad you were a boy!

The One Where We Talk about ‘Friends’

The One Where We Talk about ‘Friends’

Recently, a friend of mine got me hooked on a show. I love a good TV show, so the draw was quick and the investment was easy. You may recognize the show simply from the title of this blog, or from a few quick quotes here:

“How you doin’?”

“Pivot! Pivot! Pivot!”

“We were on a BREAK!”

A lot could be said for the 10 season, fan-favorite TV show called “Friends.” The show started in 1994 (a year before I was born), wrapped up in 2004 and lives on in the hearts of many Millennials and Gen Xers today. The story was simple, though often got migraine-worthy complicated more times than not. The narrative displays six young adult friends who are doing their best to navigate relationships, careers, pop culture, failures, successes and conflicts that face every young adult trying to find their way in life.

I thoroughly enjoy vegging on the couch and watching an episode (or 20…) of Friends after a day of work. Though I find relaxation and joy in this, many times I can’t help but analyze the show from my Christian worldview and feel sad for these friends. In at least every other episode there is critical miscommunication, crushingly selfish actions and a shameless parade of sexual jokes, comments and behavior.

In this blog, my desire is first to highlight some key red flags that, as believers, should bother us in Friends. Lastly, I will then offer gold stars to positive friendship goals portrayed in the show.

Red Flags:

‘Follow your heart’ mentality

Through nearly every episode, we see characters face hard or conflicting decisions. In the end, the person has a realization of what their heart “truly” wants.

So, naturally, they follow their heart into unwed sex as they face temptation. They follow their heart into self-serving situations as they face others. They follow their heart into silence as they face injustice or discomfort.

It’s not surprising that each of these characters take these actions at the whim of their heart. Nonbelievers will act like nonbelievers, and we should neither be surprised nor angry with them when they behave as such. Believers, however, should always take note and weigh the repercussions of following their heart over following the Spirit.

Casual use of pornography

Pornography has plagued our culture. It has been around longer than you think and is here to stay, as long as believers wish war against it rather than wage war against it.

Friends characters continually paint pornography merely as a tool for sexual arousal, self-satisfying therapy or a “how-to” guide. It is portrayed as humorous, normal and even beneficial. I’ve seen this played out in current TV shows such as New Girl, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt and others as well. Don’t give the Enemy a foothold by adopting a casual use or view of pornography.

Unrealistic relationship pressures

The show is consistently nurturing discontentment and shame in being single. When a couple breaks up (or “takes a break”), immediate pressure is placed on them to resolve this issue called “loneliness.” The behavior and mentality are naturally adopted by the viewers.

I, myself, have found an increased struggle to manage my contentment in singleness the more immersed in the show I become. I consistently must remind myself that my loneliness is cast out by the omnipresent Father.

Gold Stars:

They build each other up

The characters in Friends are continually building each other up. It may come in either a sarcastic comment or a warm hug, but there is no doubt about it—these friends are here for each other. This can be elevated and increased in Christian relationships as friends spiritually sharpen one another (Prov. 27:17).

They have moderate boundaries

Boundaries aren’t these characters’ strong suits, especially when it comes to sexual temptation, but they are something I consider gold star worthy. However, I reserve the right to demote them to a silver star as I wrap up the ninth season.

The Bible tells us that we should be careful and thoughtful in how we handle our friendships (Prov. 12:26). As believers, we should be able to surpass those in the TV show by simply being prayerful about our relationships. There should especially be caution and boundaries between friends of the opposite sex.

They are sacrificial

The friends in this TV show exemplify sacrificial love as best can be displayed in a secular sitcom. In most episodes, their sacrifice comes in the form of surrendering time, effort or respect. John 15:13, however, tells believers that more is required of godly friendships. We are called to lay down our lives for our friends. There is no greater love.

On one hand, I love this TV show, and often find encouragement from its gold stars. On the other hand, I’ve had to check my flesh and spirit as I feed my body with the red flag elements of the show. I would like to encourage you, friends, to continually check, not only your friendships, but also things of which you fill your mind.

What we listen to, watch, read and consume will affect our friendships, and even more so, will affect our view of God.

The Church that Built Me

The Church that Built Me

As I drove, I smiled. The road was long from Oklahoma City to McAlester, but it was always worth it. I pulled into the old, cracked parking lot of my former home church. My joy turned to fear as I wondered, will they remember me?

The fear was quickly scattered as I walked under that tall steeple and through the propped-open, glass doors. The greeters were more than kind faces; they were old friends. This church was chock-full of memories from 4th grade all the way up to my young adult years. It was the church that built me.

As I walked the halls, I could almost see shadows of myself. I saw 4th grade Hannah working on homework in a side room as mom attended her Tuesday Morning Ladies’ Bible Study. I saw 6th grade Hannah sharing her new iPod Shuffle music with her Girls in Action friends. I saw 8th grade Hannah crying in the hall after her “crush” brushed her off again. I saw high school senior Hannah laughing as she painted the nursery with the younger girl she mentored. I saw young adult Hannah being prayed over by the elderly ladies Sunday School before she left for Oklahoma City and her first “grown-up job.”

So much of who I am today was built up and developed by my home church in McAlester. I think of Sunday School teachers like the Grizzles, Pools, Leningtons, Stephanie, Linda, Julene and so many more! I think of my old bosses and dear friends like the Briggs and the Hutsons. I think of the ministers that shaped my walk like Randy Adams, Brad Millsap, Steve Lunsford, Linda Lowber and many more. I richly recall my mentors Pam, Janice, Carrie, Jennifer, and others. Lastly, I remember the older couples that invested in me like the Sossamons, Parringtons, Sherrills, Braswells, and Durants… and simply too many more to name.

First Baptist Church in McAlester was made of more than mere brick and mortar; it was built by the legacies and devout service of hundreds if not thousands of saints, to the glory of God. That church they built is the church that built me.

That church built my joy for missions. I saw this exhibited in them by the teams of encouragers that sent my family and me as we served as missionaries overseas for five and a half years. I saw it in the Barbie dolls they sent me as a Missionary Kid for Christmas. I saw it in my Girls in Action leaders’ eyes as they retold a missionary’s story to our group. I saw it in the full offering plate at times of church-wide missional giving. I saw it in the collection of numerous, international flags that lined our sanctuary. This is true joy for missions.

That church built my perception of sacrifice. I saw this in the rows of pews filled with precious widows, putting their gifts in the offering plate. I saw it in prominent, wealthy individuals and couples that chose humility and a life of behind-the-scenes service. I saw it in the children’s director who overcame familial hardships and put her ministry’s children first. I saw it in pastors who said goodbye in order to obey the Lord. I saw it in more than generous monetary gifts in order to fund a mission trip. This is true sacrifice.

That church built my perception of mentorship. I saw this in the youth pastors and their wives as they hosted dozens of awkward, goofy teenagers. I saw it in the prayerful watch of precious senior adult women, one Sunday school class in particular. I saw it in pairing with that Sunday School class to learn the art of fruit basket arrangements… what a fun day that was! I saw it in the careful instruction of Sunday School teachers, including my Nana who led my 10th grade year. I saw it in the loving rebuke of my boss and friend, Carrie. This is true mentorship.

Because of this church that built me, I am pressed forward for joy in this journey with Christ as my Savior. As I sit under new instruction and with new fellowship at my current church, I reflect on my time at First Baptist in McAlester similar to how Paul viewed the church in Philippi. I cannot close these thoughts and fond memories in any better way than how Paul himself did, by doing so with Paul’s blessing on the church. This I pray for First Baptist Church in McAlester…

“I give thanks to my God for every remembrance of you, always praying with joy for all of you in my every prayer,because of your partnership in the Gospel from the first day until now.I am sure of this, that he who started a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.Indeed, it is right for me to think this way about all of you, because I have you in my heart, and you are all partners with me in grace, both in my imprisonment and in the defense and confirmation of the Gospel.For God is my witness, how deeply I miss all of you with the affection of Christ Jesus.And I pray this: that your love will keep on growing in knowledge and every kind of discernment,so that you may approve the things that are superior and may be pure and blameless in the day of Christ,filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ to the glory and praise of God” (Phil. 1:3-11).

A Rose from the Grave

A Rose from the Grave

Two precious lives lost. Both babies. One baby was loved and wanted, but a failed pregnancy abruptly stole the infant’s heartbeat. The other baby was not wanted, nor was even seen as a living, breathing human and was aborted. The differences continue as the first baby receives a tear-soaked casket while the other is discarded. The first baby is given stem upon stem of roses to adorn the freshly turned soil, while the memory of the other baby falls away like petals on a fading rose.

Neither of these babies’ stories are new to the world, unfortunately. Sorrow and unexplainable pain surround each instance. Both have something to say, though very different. The first baby may say, “It’s OK mama, don’t cry.” Or perhaps, “I’m sorry we couldn’t meet. I know we would’ve had so many great memories together.”

The second baby on the other hand, may have something different to say. Perhaps this baby’s small voice is offered like a sweet smelling rose from the grave, “I wish I had been given a chance.” Or maybe, “It’s OK mama, I’m where I’m wanted now, in the arms of God.”

The babies, either wanted or not wanted, point to one thing, and that is human brokenness. Because of sin in the world, we experience loss. We experience pain. We experience suffering. We can see it, not only in maternity wards or Planned Parenthood clinics, but we can see it in the news. The starving children, the women being sold for sex, the men being exploited at a young age as soldiers in a war they hate, elderly being neglected, babies being murdered; all of these cry out in silent tears for justice—justice that God seems to be withholding from us.

Resolution and relief efforts arise like an aromatic rose from the grave from the ones that could not be saved in time. Yes, a rose from the grave. It is from the One that rose from the grave that life, and justice spill forth. The suffering and the lost and the fearful and the wounded—they will not die when their hope is in the Rose of Calvary. Oh, that blessed aroma that permeates our sin and transgressions.

Someday we will each hold an account for the lives that fell around us. The babies that were aborted because we didn’t open our arms to receive a frightened, expectant mother. The child slavery we supported through the purchase of merchandise built on the backs of minors. The men and women we extorted by taking pleasure in porn. The elderly that died alone because we’d rather sit on our couches than sit with the lonely.

We may not be directly responsible for decisions made around us that led to death, but we can most certainly be involved in the decisions around us that lead others to life. True life! Life abundant and free. Life that Jesus says He came for, “…I have come so that they may have life and have it in abundance” (John 10:10).

Jesus came to give us life, and Jesus is the life (John 14:6). One could easily conclude how Jesus’ death on the cross was Him giving of Himself that we might have life. He not only died for us, but He rose from the dead. He restored us! He gave us dignity by lying lifelessly in a human tomb. He gave us a voice and an advocate by surrendering His right to both. He filled our captive lungs with freedom’s air, while His own lungs emptied with a final breath.

Yes, this Jesus also rose from the grave! Death may have held Him for a time, but it was for an appointed time. He calls you to life too. He calls you to receive Him by faith alone and then calls you to be a life-lover, a Christ-lover. He calls you to advocate for those who aren’t given a chance for life, neither physically nor spiritually.

On February 6, 2019, men, women and children will fill the Oklahoma state capitol to speak up for the baby that no one wanted and the life that was taken. The event is called Rose Day. You can find more information at www.roseday.life.

What will you do to be a life-lover, a Christ-lover?

He Knitted Himself Together

He Knitted Himself Together

With a firm grip on His sovereign knitting needles, the Almighty transposed Himself into a young woman’s womb. She was a virgin, untouched by a man, and yet, somehow became the temple of the Greatest Love of all. He created Himself inside the body of the woman He created. A.W. Tozer put this profound happening this way, “Was there anything lovelier than to be the Creator of His own mother, to have made the very body that gave Him protection and bore Him at last into the world?”

God, with every stitch and loop, having already created His precious mother’s womb years earlier, created Himself there in that blessed space. God of all area and time contained to the shape of a small baby. Can you imagine the baby’s kicks, movements Mary must have felt like any other mother? Except, this baby had already experienced and, even more, created the world that awaited Him outside the womb.

Psalm 139:13 says, “For it was You that created my inward parts; You knit me together in my mother’s womb.” The verse has a whole new weight when thoughts of the unborn Christ Child are infused in it. Perhaps God spoke as He knitted, “For it was I who created My inward parts; I knitted myself together in My mother’s womb.” At the finished work, was it a smile or a tear that came upon the Father’s face?

God knew, once He created the tiny body, that Mary would then give birth to Him, and the weight of human life would fall on the child’s small shoulders. He would grow to be a young man when his shoulders would hold the weight of wise instruction in the temple. Then He would develop into a mature man when His shoulders would hold the weight of the world’s sins.

Even as God created Himself as Christ in a young woman’s womb, just as delicately and just as lovingly does He form every unborn child. He breathes life into the quickly developing lungs. He pumps the heartbeat to a steady pace to sustain the rest of the delicate figure.

The Lord God loves babies.

Did you know that? He smiles at their joy. He weeps at their neglect. He comforts their already sinful hearts. He binds their wounds with compassion. He sees every born and not yet born baby, and He loves them.

At Christmas time, it can be easy to picture this God that loves babies. It can be easy to picture Mary holding the baby Savior as we pass countless nativities in the store and at church. I can vividly remember the last time the Lord allowed me to cradle and love on a little baby.

One Friday afternoon as I volunteered at the hospital near my house, a pediatrics intensive care unit nurse asked me to come hold and feed a 7-month-old baby. We’ll call him John. John had been abused. His little hands and feet were bandaged, concealing the cruel burns forced on his helpless body. Little John, even at 7 months old, had little trust for people, having only felt pain and fear in the arms of an adult. He fought sleep. He fought food. He fought me.

I began singing to John. I sang every hymn and worship song I could think of, and before long, his small body began to relax, and his fearful shaking subsided. His dark brown eyes finally had the courage to meet mine as he grasped the milk bottle in my hand. As he drank, I could see tears build in his eyes. “What have you seen, my little brother?” I thought to myself. “Be still and feel the presence of God fall on you, little one, for you are not invisible, and you are valuable.”

These words leapt from my heart and slipped from my lips to John’s tiny ears. As I whispered them, I mourned the injustice of it all. Why should one so innocent suffer so greatly? How could God allow the precious child in my arms to bear so much of the world? Could these be the very things Mary prayed in her heart?

As she cradled the tiny Savior, did she mourn the injustice of it all? Why should Christ, so perfect, suffer for the sins of the world?

Can you picture Mary in your church’s nativity, wrapping the Christ Child in her arms? Or have you missed it? Many have already been hurtled into the “full steam ahead” mentality, with families, duties, lists and tasks in tow. I feel compelled to encourage you to love the babies in your life. Here are three ways you can reflect God’s compassion to the children around you:

  1. Volunteer. Your holiday time is valuable, but perhaps one Saturday afternoon you could give up the time you would have spent watching a movie or go shopping to volunteer somewhere. Hospitals, crisis pregnancy centers and your church’s nursery are teeming every week with parents and babies in need of Christ’s compassion. Would you consider calling one of those places to see how you could give of your valuable time? You could ask your church staff if there is a single parent of whom you could babysit.
  2. Give. Maybe you’re too busy to organize a crisis pregnancy center’s closet or to hold a baby for an hour or two at a hospital near you. That’s okay! Do you have a penny under the seat of your car or a $20 bill left over from your Christmas present fund? Reach out to places like the Hope Pregnancy Center, Oklahoma Baptist Homes for Children, Prison Fellowship’s Angel Tree, Samaritan’s Purse and your church’s nursery to provide the donation you’re able to offer!
  3. Sacrifice. Spend time with the babies in your life. Invest in their futures and in their walk with the Lord. Does your neighbor have a baby? Do you have your own baby? Do you have little ones in your extended or mediate family? Is one of your friends pregnant? When was the last time you told them that they’re loved? Sacrifice whatever it takes to let the babies in your life know they are valuable. Sacrifice your pride, your time, your attention, your arms, and your words.

This December, consider the reality that you will never again live out the 2018 Christmas season. This is your chance to make this year different. What will you do this holiday to show the love of Christ to the precious babies around you? For it was only a couple thousand years ago that God Himself unfurled the yarn of heaven to knit together the transposed Savior… Emmanuel, God with us.