by Emily Howsden | Aug 20, 2018
EDITOR’S NOTE: While regular Millennial Monday blogger Emily Howsden is away on maternity leave, Millennial Monday will continue as guest bloggers fill in over the next couple of weeks.
My wife, Natalie, and I share the core values that make us who we are (our faith, our character, etc.), but that doesn’t mean things always fall into place.
Every day, we discover areas where we have very different expectations. This is where we experience most of our conflicts, ones that do not deal with our core beliefs but are still significant and challenging.
After one year of marriage, we’ve discovered a process that works best for us, to help us resolve those conflicts in a meaningful, productive way.
- Name it.
Specific, precise language is an incredibly valuable tool for conflict resolution. Sadly, many people do not tap into the power of naming their problems.
It’s a fundamental truth that naming something gives you power over it. Jesus even commanded demons to reveal their true names before he cast them out.
We’ve learned that it is good to look boldly into the vague, foggy feelings we get from heightened emotions, then force them to show themselves. Together, we must make them reveal what they truly are and why they are there. Then, we must put real words to them. It can often be a painful (and surprising) process, but it’s worth every bit of effort.
In our marriage, giving a precise, pointed name to a problem has miraculous results.
- Compromise.
Conflict often turns out to be nothing more than a simple misunderstanding. However, sometimes there is a real impasse even after total honesty and introspection.
For us, the richer solutions come where we each must make a sacrifice to get to the middle ground.
Jesus also set an example of how love is characterized by sacrifice. He gave up every bit of himself to restore God’s relationship with humanity. Sacrifice gives substance to love.
There are times to resolve and stand firm, but very little is truly as important as we make it.
- Express gratitude.
Once it’s over, take every opportunity to show the other person how much you value their sacrifice. Use all the love languages generously: words, time, touch, gifts, and acts of service.
I didn’t think the appreciation mattered to me. That is, until Natalie went out of her way to thank me for a compromise we made on family time recently.
It felt so special, I couldn’t help but reciprocate it. Positive reinforcement is real for marriage too.
Because our families’ demographics look the same on paper, we never could have imagined how many small issues we would have to reconcile. It turns out that we do almost everything differently – meal prep, shopping and even just watching TV.
The good news is that these are easy to change, but character is not. That’s why I’m so thankful for Natalie and her beautiful character, which both encourages me and endures me every day.
Share this with the people in your life who need it!
(P.S. Please don’t imagine that Natalie and I have ever executed this perfectly – it’s a work in progress!)
by Emily Howsden | Jul 23, 2018
EDITOR’S NOTE: While regular Millennial Monday blogger Emily Howsden is away on maternity leave, Millennial Monday will continue as guest bloggers fill in over the next couple of months.
Happy Monday! My name is Braden, and I’m filling in for my friend Emily this week as she cares for her little one. I’m glad you’re here.
This week, I could not help but ponder the places God will take me later in life. Who will He use in my life, and how? I wondered if my plans are even close to His.
My wife and I don’t watch much TV, but there are a few shows we enjoy regularly. During the summer, our show is Big Brother on CBS, a competition in which 16 “HouseGuests” are sealed in a house with each other and filmed. At the end of each week, one HouseGuest is voted out by the others.
As we were watching a recent episode, one of the HouseGuests decided to take a long-term, mystery handicap for an immediate advantage in a competition. Later, after a week with the handicap, she had a total emotional breakdown. She was miserable, and the handicap seemed specifically tailored to her. My wife and I discussed whether or not it was a coincidence. Then, the same thing happened to another HouseGuest.
After watching Big Brother for enough seasons, I realized the game is less like Monopoly and more like the Hunger Games. The HouseGuests may manipulate or collaborate with each other, but ultimately, outcomes are subject to the show’s producers.
In this sense, Big Brother is rigged like the Hunger Games. CBS is constantly polling viewers to collect data on the popularity and entertainment value of each HouseGuest. Those with the most personality and drama always remain disproportionately longer than others.
Surprise “twists” (pocket aces for producers) are introduced, causing the HouseGuests to interact with more friction. These twists always seem coincidentally aimed at someone specific, or tailored to get a particularly entertaining result.
Yet, the show continues to present itself as a game dependent upon the HouseGuests’ decisions and random chance. It makes good TV of course, but it hides the ease with which producers step into the game-maker role, ready to manipulate contestants for entertainment value and advertising dollars.
I don’t recommend looking for theological truths in TV shows, but I think you and I often feel like Big Brother HouseGuests.
God sometimes introduces “twists” into our lives. Many times, we don’t see them coming, and they feel like handicaps rather than advantages. We can try to plan for the future, but we run headlong into unexpected, unmerited setbacks.
Through Isaiah, God told the tribe of Judah, “my thoughts are not your thoughts, and your ways are not my ways” (Isaiah 55:8, CSB). Just two chapters before, God revealed how He planned to bring the rebellious Israelites back to Himself: Jesus would be a “guilt offering” and “by his hand, the Lord’s pleasure will be accomplished” (Isaiah 53:10, CSB).
I doubt the tribe of Judah understood what God told them, or why He allowed them to be conquered and captured by Babylon, soon after. However, God’s plan was to eventually redeem His people through Jesus.
In Jeremiah 29, God promises the tribe of Judah He has great things in store for them.
The beauty of God’s transcendent plan is this: His goal is not entertainment value! Unlike TV producers, God’s plan is always for our good, to save us from the punishment we deserve. Instead of competing against His will, we can remember that He is on our side. Instead of plotting to elude His plans, we can rest in knowing that He is powerful enough to do exactly what is best, even if we can’t see it.
When God hits us hard with “twists,” we can be thankful, remembering that His plans are always for our good and for His glory.
by Emily Howsden | Jul 9, 2018
I watched a documentary over the weekend about Mr. Rogers called “Mr. Rogers and Me” that was produced by a man who actually lived next to Mr. Rogers on Nantucket Island.
I have always held Mr. Rogers in high regard. I grew up watching and enjoying his show with my older siblings. What I didn’t know, but was not surprised to learn was that Mr. Rogers was a man of great faith. He was a believer and a preacher, with a master’s degree in divinity.
One thing in the documentary that kept coming up was how well he listened to people.
Over and over, people said that when you were talking with Mr. Rogers, you felt like the only person on the planet. One journalist said that when he called to interview Mr. Rogers he even told him, “You are the most important person in the world to me at this moment.”
I felt instantly convicted, and at the same time ashamed, that this was such an uncommon thing in our world. In a world where there are Christ followers, there should be listeners. Jesus sat with the tax collectors and the undesirable people of his time and listened to them, no matter who they were.
Jesus told people to let the little children come to Him because He didn’t hold Himself in such High regard that His teachings were too advanced or too important for their little ears. Yet, daily I can find a reason to not listen to someone attentively because something else that is in my eyes is more important than the person standing in front of me. If we were to step aside, throw our selfish ambition to the wind and just listen to each other, we could more greatly reflect the love of Jesus in our daily lives.
The Bible is full of many passages that instruct us to listen such as:
“Let the wise hear and increase in learning, and the one who understands obtain guidance” (Prov. 1:5).
“Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger” (James 1:19).
Think of the people hurting in this world who just need someone to listen to them for even just a moment, and how the Lord holds each one of us in such high regard that not one person is too little for His ear.
He listens, therefore, to truly be Christ-like, our duty is to listen. You can’t listen if you’re already thinking of how you will respond to someone. You can’t listen if you’re constantly nodding and agreeing (something I struggle doing because I like to affirm people), and you most definitely can’t listen if you’re on your phone or looking away from someone.
I challenge you, next time someone is speaking with you, intentionally put aside the distractions, make eye contact with them and treat them like they are the most important person in the world. You would be amazed at what undivided attention to someone can do to instill confidence in them or lift their spirit.
** AN IMPORTANT NOTE ** I am due to have my first child, Silas Dean Howsden, in about a week. Therefore, I will be out of commission for the next eight weeks as I take maternity leave to be with him and my husband, and learn how to be a mom before returning to work. In this time I won’t be blogging, but I hope to catch up with you faithful readers upon my return. See you in September, and as always, thank you for reading!
I leave you with one of my favorite Mr. Rogers quotes, and I hope you take it to heart:
“There is no person in the whole world like you, and I like you just the way you are” – Fred Rogers
by Emily Howsden | Jul 2, 2018
One of my duties at work is to help manage the different social media pages in and around the Baptist General Convention of Oklahoma. Having worked at a social media marketing firm in the past, this is something I enjoy doing and find increasingly interesting when it comes to looking at what kind of posts engage which audience and so on.
Now that I work for a religious, non-profit organization, a common trend I see is a general question mark when it comes to knowing how to best engage audiences while at the same time putting important information where the most people can see it. That is why I thought I would put together a small, three-step tutorial from someone who might have questions about where to begin when posting for their church on social media.
- Know which platform best suits your needs.
In most cases, I would say Facebook is the social media platform where a church would get “the most bang for your buck.” A wide range of people, from those who are in their later years in life to young people, make up a Facebook audience, which means whatever you choose to communicate has the chance to be seen by the most people on this social medium. For a youth group, Instagram and Twitter are highly used by younger generations; for church-wide information, perhaps an email campaign is the way to go. Explore different social mediums and then commit to keeping fresh content circulating through whichever you choose.
- Make your posts consistent and concise.
In order to keep post-engagement up and ensure that people are reading all of each post that you make, I would suggest keeping your posts frequent, short and sweet. I cannot stress enough that consistent posts are the key to a successful social media account. Don’t let your followers forget that you’re there! You don’t have to re-invent the wheel with each post, just make them consistently. Also, keep your posts short. Twitter used to have a 140 character limit, which oftentimes made users choose their words carefully. Keeping a post to 200 words or less is a good rule of thumb. Of course, there are exceptions to this rule, and those can be made on a case-by-case basis. But, in general, keep it short, or just like on a Sunday morning when the preacher goes over his normal sermon time and people begin to leave for lunch before he’s finished, you’ll lose engagement on your page if you get too wordy.
- Post pictures and videos as much as possible.
The best way to catch the eye of a social media user is by using graphics, pictures and videos. A post in which the text stands alone runs the risk of being scrolled right past without a second thought. However, when you include imaging, whether the image is an event poster or just a colorful collection of words, you’ll find that people pay more attention to posts that are visually interesting. You can post pictures of past events or share a video of the preacher’s sermon last Sunday. By all means, get creative with what you share. You won’t be sorry you did.
*Bonus tip*
Try to have the same person post for your church or for certain accounts within your church. When more than one person posts for a page, there can be a “too many cooks in the kitchen” situation, and it can set the stage for a mumbled overall look. When one person posts, the posts have the same tone. Information doesn’t get left out or repeated, and overall, it makes for a more clear aesthetic and unified social medium.
There a million different suggestions I could spell out to each of you, depending on your church size, the demographics in your congregation and a million other situations, but the truth is, if you are trusted to run a social media site for your church, you know the people best. As I suggest with all forms of ministry, be relational and be open to learning new things each day about how to best run social media for your church.
When used correctly, social media can be an incredible tool that is more far-reaching than a church bulletin or even spoken announcements on a Sunday morning. We are taught as Christians to be good stewards with what the Lord has given us, and while social media is often a two-edged sword, when used correctly it can be a wonderful asset to the ministry of a church.
by Emily Howsden | Jun 25, 2018
This is something that always seems to be on my mind: the notion that good things take time.
Rarely do I remember or even recommend a meal that took less than five minutes to prepare. More often than not, you’ll appreciate something you purchased after saving money for a long period of time. It takes a lifetime of preparation for athletes to reach the Olympic stage. Graduating from high school alone takes 13 years, sometimes longer. All of these things take time.
On a much smaller stage, there is one thing, however, that I experience wishing I would have planned better year-after-year. That thing is yard work at my home.
This may seem minor to some, but for two years now, we’ve owned our home, and for two years we’ve worked on our yard and take pride in its appearance. Every year we decide to plant fescue, or shade grass, under a tree in the backyard where grass refuses to grow. And so far, each year we seem to wait too long to get the seed planted to where it will have adequate time to grow.
Each year, I look in the backyard and wish it weren’t muddy or dirty under that tree. I want lush, green grass. The old saying “Those who fail to plan, plan to fail” has never rang so true.
It would be great if the grass would just pop up on its own, but with the lack of sunshine the area receives, it’s not a good environment to grow grass naturally like the rest of the backyard does.
This is often how we as Christians look at our relationship with Christ. We cry out in pain when we feel like He’s not hearing us; we complain when His words are hard to discern from the ways of the world. We get angry with God if we’re going through a trial, but have we planted the seed? Or, are we merely looking at the same dirt spot in our spiritual lives and simply wishing grass would grow in that shaded area of our lives?
One would think this goes without saying, but you have to put in the work in order to reap the benefits of your work. However the issue with our backyard and why it keeps the same dirt-filled spot, is because we neglect to give that dirt-filled spot the attention it needs.
It’s not like we have planted seed there year-after-year and have come up short. We did plant seed the first year, then go on vacation for a week, and it died. Since then, the need to plant the seed falls by the wayside in the busyness of our lives until it’s past the point of no return, and we hope to do better next year.
We as Christians do the same with our walk with Christ. I include myself in this statement. When things are going well, the grass is green, and there’s not a dirt patch in site, it can be easy to neglect putting in the hard work in of chasing after God daily.
This is when things start to wither and die, and before we know it, we have a dirt patch in our lives. The life of a Christ follower is not an easy one, or one without its struggles or work put in. This is something you should know by now if you’ve been a Christian for any amount of time.
Yet, we would do ourselves a huge favor if in the times of prosperous, green grass, if we put in the work and toil the soil preparing for the days that the devil tests our faith and rocks our world.
I write this blog this week as much to myself as I do to you, brother or sister in Christ. We should never quit striving to follow hard after our Lord and Savior, doing all we can to follow his straight, but narrow path.
Put in the work now, and later when life’s trials come, we can lie down in green pastures (Psalm 23:2) and rest knowing that He is our Shephard, and we shall not want. (Psalm 23:1)
What have you done this week to prepare for the time when the grass withers and your faith is tested?
Every day, we discover areas where we have very different expectations. This is where we experience most of our conflicts, ones that do not deal with our core beliefs but are still significant and challenging.