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Your own personal Hollywood scandal

Your own personal Hollywood scandal

It’s an easy time for Christians to yell a big “I told you so” to the liberal Hollywood crowd. They are currently drowning in a pool of irony. The world is watching their moral compass spin like crazy as they promote the next movie full of nudity and lewd sexual behavior while simultaneously vilifying those who have treated women in horrific ways.

It’s a terribly broken system that can celebrate the life of Hugh Hefner who treated women as mere objects of lust, while also getting upset that men actually lusted after women as though they were objects. The world has tossed out the morality of God and then acts surprised when people are no longer treated as though they were made in the image of God. We knew this was coming; we warned you about it; and now it is really tempting to gloat in victory.

However, this is a great moment for us all to do some self-reflecting instead of gloating. As clearly as we foresaw the moral consequence of the ever-falling standards of Hollywood, God sees the consequences of our own sins.

Far too often we fall under the assumption that, because we are saved by grace through faith, any future sins have no real consequences. But this slow decay caused by sin is something we are all susceptible to. And we follow the same pattern that we just saw in Hollywood. It begins by testing the limits.

We often do something that is borderline wrong, but we see if we can sneak across enemy lines without getting caught. Then when that becomes the norm we try and take things even further. Before long what was once off limits has become the norm in our life, and we justify it with fervor.

As we are seeing, sin always has consequences. The ugliness of our mistakes spill over onto the closest relationships around us. It causes fights and quarrels, anger and jealousy. Sin reduces the image of God that we were created in and it often denies those around us the truth that they are created in the image of God as well.

So, instead of celebrating the fact that the entertainment world is being exposed for the fraud that it is, I want to turn my critical eyes towards myself and see what sins have I grown so accustomed to that I have forgotten that they are sinful.

Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
Psalms 139:23

Let’s Skip Christmas

Let’s Skip Christmas

I am not a big fan of this time of year. This time is supposed to be full of family events, holiday dinners and Christmas shopping, but let’s be honest, it’s exhausting.

Between decorating the house, attending family and church events and shopping for the perfect present, it feels like the holiday season is just too busy and way too expensive. What makes it even worse is that my wife totally disagrees with me.

Halloween was barely over before she started planning Thanksgiving and Christmas events for us as a family. I’m not sure where she gets the energy but I’m guessing the mountain of empty coffee cups in the trash with “pumpkin spice” written on the side is a good place to start.

And then as a pastor there is the yearly conversation about whether or not we are taking Christ out of Christmas. Call me a Scrooge but I think we, as a culture, did that a long time ago. It’s up to us as individuals to decide if we celebrate by going into debt buying presents or if we make this a time of reflecting on the birth of Christ.

I believe there is a great way to prepare our hearts for the holiday season and to keep us from getting caught up in the mad rush of the season. It begins by taking a Sabbath rest once a week. If your life is too busy now to take a Sabbath, how do you expect to be able to slow down and focus on Christ during a busy holiday season? It needs to already be apart of your weekly rhythm.

The Sabbath rest was given as a reminder that we are more that what we produce. The nation of Israel had spent a long time as slaves whose self worth depended upon whether or not they were producing enough to justify their existence. If a slave grew old or was injured and could no longer produce, they were simply executed.

If you do this long enough you truly begin to believe you only have worth as a human if you are productive. God commanded his people to rest and produce nothing as a reminder that their value came from God, not what they could do.

We still have this slave mentality. Many of us don’t know how to just truly rest; we have to be doing something productive. Trust me, I feel great after I accomplish something. I can even rest better if the house is clean or a project gets completed. And with two small kids at home, there is always something that needs to be done, but I need to teach my children that there is a time where it is actually good to produce nothing because God loves them not because of what they can do but because of who He is.

So this year, I am going to do my best to skip Christmas, at least the kind of Christmas that has made so many of us grow weary. I want the holiday season to be a time of rest and a time to reflect on all the ways God has shown His goodness. I know the Sabbath is no longer required for believers, but its principles can still help free us from our slave mentalities.

4 Ways To Love Your Wife After A Miscarriage

4 Ways To Love Your Wife After A Miscarriage

Like any young couple, my wife and I were filled with excitement when we had the chance to announce to our friends, family and church that we were expecting another child. Our oldest son Titus was two years old, and my wife had no complications with that pregnancy, so we just assumed everything would go as planned.

Just a few days after our public announcement we experienced a nightmare that is unfortunately far too familiar to many families. My wife came to me sobbing, and I knew instinctively what the problem was. We had lost the child. The news felt like a tornado ripping through our home, wrecking everything in its path.

I knew what my job as the husband was – to love and comfort my wife as she processed what had happened. I knew that she was going to carry the brunt of this pain in a way I will never understand; so I pushed down whatever emotions I was feeling and tried to be there for her.

This is what many guys do. We can disconnect our emotions and just do the work that has to be done. In hindsight, I can see how that might have done more harm than good. But how was I to know what to do? The topic of miscarriage is talked about very little among women, and even less among men. This is unfortunate because it is unbelievably common. Some statistics say one in every four women will experience the loss of a child.

October is pregnancy and infant loss awareness month so I wanted to share what I learned in hopes that it might help some other men who have lost a child.

  1. Now is not the time to suppress your emotions

As I said, it is easy for us to disconnect. It’s not as though we don’t feel anything, but we can push things down to a place where it is all but forgotten. We have a family to support and a job that demands our attention; we might feel as though we don’t have the time to fall apart emotionally. In my case, this left my wife feeling as though she was grieving alone. She needed to see my emotion and to hear that she was not hurting in isolation.

  1. Build something

Your wife is going to deal with the emotional pain for much longer than you will. She carried the child inside her and, unfortunately, often feels responsible for the loss of the child. Her wounds understandably take longer to heal when it comes to this issue. I took some time off work, and a few days later, while learning about the loss, I got out my table saw and some wood and started to build. Our Son Titus sat by me with his plastic hammer helping me measure and cut.

A few hours later I had a bench for our deck in the backyard. I called my wife out to see our creation and told her it was a bench made for two kids. She smiled as Titus sat on it and exclaimed, “It’s just the right size for me!” It was a way for me to show that there was still hope, and that we could move forward without forgetting. It still sits on our deck, and it’s still the right size for both our boys. You don’t have to build something but find a way to remember and give hope to your wife at the same time. You might find that it is healing for both of you.

  1. Answer their spiritual questions

We inherited death because of Adam and Eve’s sin, but we did not inherit their guilt. The child that was lost was innocent and has a home with God. 2 Sam. 12:23 is the only verse that deals specifically with this subject. David lost a child, and he knows that he will eventually be reunited with the child he never knew.

  1. Just be there

Lastly, I would encourage you to avoid trying to fix this. It can’t be fixed. You can’t understand what she has gone through, and nothing you say or do can undo the pain. But you can be there and simply be present. Don’t escape to work, hobbies or silence. Stay in the trenches with her and fight to reclaim any amount of joy that you can. In time, it gets better. It’s never the same but it does get better.

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” Ps. 34:18

The Lie We Tell The Most

The Lie We Tell The Most

A few nights ago, on my way home, my wife and I saw a wreck on the side of the road. It was dark, and no police or emergency responders had arrived yet, so I pulled over to see how I could help. As I approached, I realized that this was no small fender bender but was actually a devastating situation.

A young pedestrian had been hit by a car. She lied there unresponsive while people around her cried and panicked. I have had some basic first-aid training, but this was way beyond my skill set. All I could do was try to calm and console any bystanders.

Thankfully, an ambulance showed up unbelievably quick and took charge of the scene. I made my way back to our car, and as I climbed in, my oldest child was full of questions. I assured him everything was okay, and everyone would be just fine, and that daddy was just trying to help. I tried to use this moment to tell him that we always help people when they are in need.

“What did you do that helped?” he asked. I went a little silent, partly because I was still thinking about the accident and also knowing I had not really helped at all. My wife chimed in and said, “Daddy is really strong and always stays calm when something bad happens. He helps other people stay calm as well. We should be strong like daddy.” I appreciated her kind words, but I knew right away that it was a lie.

I tell my son all the time that Daddy is the strongest. It’s usually in jest when we flex our muscles or when he sees me pick up something that, to him, seems impossible to lift. To a four-year-old, I’m a giant and super strong, but in reality I’m short in stature and would never be picked first to play football.

But still, when we are young, we are all convinced that our fathers are Superman. I love the fact that my sons look up to me, and sometimes we try to reassure them that we are super heroes. But perhaps this does harm in the long run.

I got convicted of this while studying the Sermon on the Mount. Jesus begins his sermon by describing Christian character often referred to as the beatitudes. It begins by saying, “Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs in the kingdom of God. Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted.” The list goes on, and not a single one says “Blessed are the strong.”

Projecting strength and confidence is something we pride ourselves on. We all want to seem emotionally and financially together, even if it is not a reality. It’s unfortunate that this carries over into our spiritual life. We gather on Sunday, and everyone seems to have it all together, everyone seems strong.

But if we are to be authentic in our Christian walk we need to begin to admit the opposite. None of us are strong. I can’t fix a car accident; I can’t protect my family from every storm; I can barely repair our dishwasher let alone provide enough strength and courage to carry my entire family. And most definitely, I cannot save myself from my sins.

Acting like I am strong is the lie I tell the most, and it’s one I believe about myself far too often. This false sense of strength means that I am not seeking God for true authentic strength. I’m essentially settling for counterfeit strength even though God grants us access to the real thing.

As believers, our strength lies in our weakness. The spiritual poverty of the human condition is something that we all share. As believers, we are called to escape this lie and, in humility, turn our weakness over to God, so that He may give us His strength.

In the future, I pray I use such moments not to boast of my strength but to point out what Paul says to the church in Corinth. “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Let us be content in our weakness because, as believers, it always points us to something greater – the authentic strength of God.

Bloody Sunday

Bloody Sunday

In 1920, British troops fired into the crowd at a football match in Dublin in retaliation for the killing of British undercover agents. It was during the Irish War of Independence, and 32 people lost their lives that day. That tragic event would later be referred to as “Bloody Sunday.” Unfortunately that was not the last atrocity to adopt that title. It should sadden us all that such events happen many times within our lifetime.

Once again, we have another bloody Sunday. This last Sunday for reasons we may never fully know, a man fired a massive amount of shots into a crowd in Las Vegas. As soon as the news broke, the world spins its gears, looking for someone or something to blame.

We want a simple and easy explanation for this kind of violence. If the cause is simple then we believe the solution is just as simple. Some will blame guns, others politics, others race, and the debates on social media will continue to stir the fire with each side certain of their moral superiority.

The news feels less informative these days and more like an ideological recruitment center. Whatever opinion you may have, there is a media outlet willing to cater to you.

So what do Christians do in moments like these? As the world succumbs to panic and political positioning, how do we respond? Do we spend countless hours making arguments on the NFL and the national anthem, gun control or some other future event that will further polarize humanity? Or is there a more Christ-like way to respond?

I wish I had some really sage advice, but I have been trying to figure out how to balance this in my own life as well. Personally, I have always enjoyed debating, and I tend to have really strong opinions on just about everything. It took me awhile, but I finally learned that Facebook or any other means of social media is a terrible place for debating opinions.

Whenever I feel the desire to join in on the collective outrage, I just stop and walk away. I have made it a point to spend much more time reading books than reading my Facebook feed. This has been really helpful because books are not just knee-jerk reactions like we find online, they required the author to pause and think about what they wanted to say.

Spending less time immersed in the drama of the world has helped me focus on what really matters. One thing that I am certain of is that the Gospel is the only solution to the issues that really plague us. Our problems are not just political, racial or financial, our problem is our humanity. Even though we are human we are also much more.

Paul reminds the church in Corinth of this when he tells them, “For while there is jealousy and strife among you, are you not of the flesh and behaving only in a human way?” (1 Cor. 3:3). He sees humanity as the issue, while also recognizing that they are more than just humans; they are created in the image of God.

Since the Gospel is the only real solution, I try to tell it and live it as much as possible. Telling others about my view on gun control won’t get them into heaven. That doesn’t mean these social issues are not important, but let us always look at them through the lens of the Gospel.

I want to encourage you, as the media fury ramps up once again, realize that God has a solution, and He has charged you with spreading the cure to others. We do not live our lives based upon fear or hatred, these things may bring in the ratings, but they do not produce the peace and rest our souls need.

So how do we respond in these situations? The Bible is clear. We love our neighbors and our enemies because Christ first loved us. May God grant us peace within our hearts, so we can build peace with our words and hands.