by Angela Sanders | Oct 19, 2017
A loved one who shall remain nameless once told me, jaw flexing, smile forced, “Angela, I love you, but I don’t like you very much right now.”
Wow! Talk about shocked! Young and full of myself, I just didn’t get it. First, I thought like came before love. Second, I thought I was pretty darn likable. Hah!
Now that I’m older, though, and have dealt with a lot of human beings just like me, I get it.
The truth is none of us are likable all the time, and like often comes after love if like ever comes at all. Whether it does or doesn’t, though, we Christians are commanded to love (John 13:4, Matt 5:43).
How?
Well, it’s not always easy, especially when you’re hurt or disappointed, you don’t see a deserving bone in the recipient’s body, and/or the last face you want to see and the last voice you want to hear is theirs, but it is pretty simple.
When serious dislike sets in, shove fickle emotion aside and do the following:
Focus on the eternal
Right now is never just about right now. It’s about forever and where each of us will be spending it.
If the person you’re dealing with doesn’t know Jesus, they need to, or they’ll spend eternity separated from God in hell (2 Thess. 1:8-10). To fully understand Who He is and comprehend what He’s done for them so they can put their faith in Him for salvation from the consequences of sin, they need to experience Him in their interaction with you and anyone else who claims Jesus as their Savior.
That means grace; you have to treat them better than they deserve to be treated. That means mercy; you have to show patient restraint, even when justice must be carried out. The best way to do that? Forgive. Whether or not your emotions are ready to do so, believe and act as if they don’t owe you anything personally—nothing, not even an apology. Good feelings may or may not follow, so your resolve must be firm.
If the person you’re dealing with does know Jesus, they may need to experience the conviction, or convincing, of the Holy Spirit (John 16:8) so they can repent of their sin, reestablish intimate fellowship with the Father (Psalm 66:18-19), and get back to the business of serving Him. They won’t, though, if your voice is louder than His.
Don’t plant yourself between a brother or sister and God. Get out of the way by extending at least as much grace, mercy and forgiveness you would extend to someone outside His family. Who knows? It might be your example the Holy Spirit uses to accomplish the very thing you wish He would.
Adopt an attitude of worship
When you can’t do it for them, do it for God. Acknowledge His worth and position by doing the thing He’s called you to do so others will do the same, even when—especially when—it requires humility and sacrifice (Col 3:17, Matt 5:16). Compelled by His extravagant love, love Him back.
Choose your words carefully
“Where words are many, sin is not absent” (Prov. 10:19), but silence can also wound. There’s no harm in speaking the Truth. As a matter of fact, the Bible tells us to (Eph. 4:25), but there’s a right way and a wrong way to do it. Like the Bible says, season your words with salt (Col. 4:6). Use them to preserve and heal, and don’t speak until you can. Remember, the goal is repentance and restoration, not discouragement and destruction (2 Cor. 7:10).
Pray
Nothing syncs a person’s heart up with God’s like prayer. Talk to Him. Listen to Him, and start with you. Confess any thoughts, actions, attitudes or motives that don’t match His, and commit to love. You don’t need to ask for joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faith, gentleness or self-control. If you know Jesus, you have those through the Holy Spirit (Gal. 5:22). You just need to use them. Promise God you’ll do it and follow through. Then, selfish motives aside, pray for the redemption or restoration of the person you don’t particularly like. Looking for God’s hand at work in response to your prayers will do much for your attitude toward them. It may even transform you from critic to cheerleader.
Let God meet your needs
If we’re honest with ourselves, most of the frustration we experience with others has to do with unmet expectations of a personal nature. It’s not righteous anger we feel; it’s a pity party, one we could skip out on if we would only learn to lean on faithful, unchanging God. When you depend on others to provide things only He can, things like peace, joy, contentment, healing, happiness, etc., you set yourself up for disappointment and give the Enemy a foothold in your relationships and in your heart. Don’t do that.
Bottom line, like is a fickle emotion, here one second, gone the next, and you don’t need it to do what God has called you to do. All you need is a perfect example to follow, and, thank God, in Jesus, you have One!
by Angela Sanders | Oct 3, 2017
When the kids were growing up, we prayed with them all the time, at bedtime, before meals, when something great happened, when something bad happened, when they needed help, when we heard ambulance sirens. I feel pretty good about that. Looking back, I think we did a pretty good job of teaching them to pray.
However, I’m not sure we did the best job of teaching them what and how to pray, as their prayers sometimes resembled well crafted ‘Dear Santa’ letters than submissive petitions to a holy God who deserves more from us than we deserve from Him. Now, there’s nothing wrong with asking things of God. When we do, we demonstrate faith in His ability to provide. It’s just that we didn’t encourage a lot of “God, Your will be done” in their prayers.
Maybe we underestimated their ability to see the bigger picture. Maybe we were afraid they would love God less if they understood they weren’t His first priority, or maybe we didn’t really understand how to pray ourselves. I’m not sure. Whatever the case, I want to set one thing straight.
My dearest children,
God loves you, but He does not serve you.
Yes, God created you with careful attention (Psalm 139). Yes, He sustains you (Acts 17:28). Yes, He provides good things for your enjoyment (1 Tim. 6:17). However, it’s important that you understand God does everything—EVERYTHING—from providing for your eternal salvation (John 3:16) to wooing you to repentance (Rom. 2:4) to adopting you as His child and making you coheirs with Christ (Rom. 8:17), first and foremost, to prove Who He is and garner the praise and worship due His glory, or divine perfection (Eph. 1:11-12).
This is only right. He’s God, after all!
Yes, God works all things together for your good (Rom. 8:28). However, your greatest good, as an heir to God’s eternal Kingdom as a result of your faith in Jesus’ death and resurrection, is brought about only when your Heavenly Father is glorified, or lifted up, and His Kingdom advances (Heb. 12:28-29).
This will cost you from time to time, just as it cost Jesus, and when it does, the Enemy will whisper, “God doesn’t hear you. God doesn’t love you. God has betrayed you.” Don’t let him get in your head. God has not betrayed you. First of all, He doesn’t owe you anything. Second, He isn’t capable of going back on His promises (Heb. 6:18, Num. 23:19). If ever you expected more than you got, then you expected more than God actually promised you.
God’s saying no in answer to your prayers is not cause for discouragement or distrust, but indication that you’ve not yet discerned and/or prayed according to His will in a matter, as He always answers such prayers with a “yes” (1 John 5:14-15). It means you have work to do, not He.
Sure, we wish things worked differently sometimes, but the very fact that infinite, almighty God allows weak, limited us to participate in His master plan at all is reason enough to praise Him, thank Him for His grace and bow our will to His in prayer and practice. When His plan includes our happiness and comfort? Well, that’s reason to cut loose in a holy happy dance, King David style! Rejoice when this happens, certainly, but don’t despair when it doesn’t.
God can always be trusted to do what serves His glory and, therefore, benefits you in the long-run, even if it’s painful in the moment.
So seek God’s heart, my dear ones. Serve Him over self with love and gratitude. Submit your will to His like Jesus did, in humility and faith. Over time, you’ll understand your Heavenly Father better, grasp the depth of His love for you and appreciate the riches of His mercy and grace. The peace and joy that result will far surpass any satisfaction you might have gained from a single granted wish, no matter how essential His expected “yes” may have seemed.
by Angela Sanders | Sep 14, 2017
When the kids were little, I made a mental list of all the things I wanted to teach them. I thought about writing them down so I wouldn’t miss anything, but honestly didn’t think I had the time. I convinced myself they’d learn everything they needed to know simply by watching and listening to me as they grew.
Now that they’re grown and gone, it seems I have nothing but time to sit and think about what I did and didn’t do, what I did and didn’t say, and how often I fell short.
What’s more, I have a sneaking suspicion I overestimated the amount of attention being paid to my solo performance and left too much unspoken. Now that the spotlight has dimmed, I offer my children this list of spiritual truths, a post-script to the love letter life I tried to live in their presence, for handy reference in the years ahead. I pray it fills gaps, lends clarity and spares moms who are still on stage the ache of lonely second-guessing once the curtain drops.
My dearest children,
God loves you! I would say He loves you even more than I do—actually, I think I have said that—but I don’t want to mislead you by suggesting my love can even begin to compare to God’s or that God loves in degrees like people do.
No, when it comes to love, God is in a class by Himself. He is love, perfect and unchanging. In service to His own glory, He doesn’t dole Himself out in measured response to who we are or what we do, but instead offers grace, mercy, and belonging, regardless of these things, to any and all who will accept it through His Son Jesus.
You might find that idea a little off-putting at first—we all like to think we’re special, after all—assuming its truth somehow reduces you to a nameless face in the throng of those whom He loves, but that’s just not true. God knows you. He knew you before you were even aware of being alive. He knows the number of hairs on your head and how you spend your days. He knows your very thoughts.
And He loves you anyway.
He loves you not because of who you are or what you’ve done—sinners all, none of us deserve His love—but to prove to the world Who He is, the only One worthy of worship and praise, so He might receive the recognition He deserves for His glory, or divine perfection. To that end, God gives us His very Self, loving us first, completely, unconditionally and without favoritism.
No, God’s love for you isn’t really about you at all. It’s about Him, but there’s comfort in that.
Think about it for a minute.
God will never stop being God, so He’ll never stop loving you. It just won’t happen. No matter what happens, you can count on God’s love. It’s constant.
God’s love is free. You didn’t earn it, so you don’t have to worry about losing it.
God’s love is enough. You don’t need more, so you don’t have to go looking for it.
God’s love doesn’t change. The choices you make might steal your joy, make it hard to pray and cause you to doubt your relationship with God, but they will not change Who God is or His love for you. You’re free to worship Him in confidence instead of fear.
God loves you as much as He loves anyone else. Technically, that makes you His favorite, so you’ve nothing left to prove. You’re free to enjoy being whom He made you to be and to focus on fulfilling His purpose for your individual life.
Listen, I wish with all my heart the amount of affection and devotion I’m capable of mustering could bring you the same, peace, comfort and security that God’s perfect love affords, but it can’t.
The truth is God loves you better than I do, so keep putting your faith and trust in Him.
by Angela Sanders | Aug 29, 2017
“Love is a warm puppy.”
“Love is a smile.”
“Love is a boo boo kiss.”
Love was a hot topic in the late ’60s and early ’70s—still is—but even as a girl, I was put off by statements like these that showed up on T-shirts, wall hangings and juice glasses. They were just too simplistic.
I’d experienced love to some degree, and although I couldn’t define it, I knew love was more than the warm, fuzzy feeling that often came with it.
“Love is love.”
As an adult, I’m equally put off by this statement. Again, it’s too simplistic, suggesting that all expressions of supposedly positive sentiment or gut-felt desire are somehow equally acceptable and good.
Not true.
What is love?
According to 1 John 4:8, God is love. He is the definition, not the defined, and anything that doesn’t line up with His will, character and example falls short of the mark.
How does God express love?
First, He sent His Son Jesus to rescue a race of traitors unable to rescue themselves from the consequences of sin, sin being anything that doesn’t line up with His will and character.
As if that weren’t enough, He adopts those who repent of their sin and put their faith in Him for salvation as His very own children, communing with them and perfecting them by His Spirit as they cooperate over time so they can participate in His glory unfettered by guilt, fear or shame.
Wow! Talk about setting the bar high!
So, how are we to express love?
Contrary to popular belief, loving others isn’t about making them feel spiritually comfortable, content and safe as they are, unless they have a biblical reason to feel that way. Loving others is about wanting for them what God wants and made possible for them through Jesus’ death and resurrection. It’s about doing whatever we can in accordance with God’s will and character to point them toward the only One who can ever bring them true comfort, contentment and peace, even when it costs us to do so.
Yes, loving others is about extending grace, mercy and forgiveness, but it’s also about telling the truth as presented in God’s Word, the Bible, and living that truth in faithful obedience so others will see their need for a Savior, accept God’s gift of salvation and become whom they were meant to become, redeemed and whole children of God.
Truth?
Tenderness is tenderness. Affection is affection. Passion is passion. Lust is lust.
Qualify your feelings and actions how you will, but only that which glorifies God is truly love.
by Angela Sanders | Aug 7, 2017
“God really moved!”
“God did something amazing here!”
“God really showed up!”
It’s that season again.
Picture after picture after picture of people engaged in corporate worship through song, hands raised, eyes closed, appears on my feed, and caption after caption after caption suggests I may have missed out on something really special.
Again.
You see, I don’t often experience the kind of emotion I see in pictures like these when participating in corporate song services.
I have, but I generally don’t.
My heart does settle at the truth of some lyrics we sing, but it also jumps at the questionable theology in others. I am encouraged by the sound of voices near me because they reassure me I’m not the only one who believes, but I’m also distressed by the ability of some of my brothers and sisters in Christ to sing with abandon, then treat others so poorly. My eyes do well with tears from time to time, but that’s usually a response to personal circumstance rather than an acute awareness of God’s presence in the moment.
I’m not saying what others experience isn’t real. I wouldn’t dare. It just hasn’t been my experience, not often.
Still, I know God is near.
He stirs the clouds and makes the birds outside my window sing. He brings Bible verses to mind when I’m not sure what to say or do. He opens my eyes to the pain of those who oppose me and gives me genuine compassion for them. He ministers to my children’s hearts in ways I never could and gives my husband the resolve and ability to love me well. When anxiety sucks the very air from my body, He helps me breathe.
And that’s just today.
Be careful, friends. Some corporate worship experiences are more impactful than others, to be sure, but God doesn’t “show up.”
“In Him we live and move and have our being” (Acts 17:28). He never ever leaves.